This is a manifesto of doing less and being more.
I was at a dinner party when someone asked me about what I was doing lately. I launched into a description of this ideology I have meticulously researched, thoughtfully designed, and probably unnecessary for my life to function right now. Just like everyone else, my husband also asked me the same question, "Why are you doing what you are doing?"
I had no answer. It was not because I didn't have reasons, actually, I had plenty of them. I could defend my ideology intellectually. But underneath all the reasons was a single driving force: I just couldn't afford to be left behind. Because excellence is the only currency available these days to trade in. Because "good enough" felt like a failure.
Sounds familiar?
The Perfectionism Trap is Designed for Us
If you are a high-achieving woman, you have been internalized as a specific set of rules that makes perfectionism feel less like a choice but an identity. And more insidious: those rules were never designed to make you happy. They were designed to make you manageable.
We have all learned early that our value is tied to our output. Being "the responsible one" is a character trait that one should be proud of. That saying no is selfish. That if you don't do it perfectly, you are somehow less. The bar is always going to move, so you might as well run fast.
All this was ot explicit. It all came in the form of:
Praise for our achievements over our characters.
Subtle disapproval when we took time for ourselves.
What "good woman" looks like, the one who could do it all without complaining.
Understanding that our sexuality, our anger and our needs are only acceptable if offset by our productivity.
To our surprise, we have internalized it so completely that now, even when no one is watching, we are our own critics.
How Perfectionism Ruins Everything
Perfectionism is a shape-shifter. It is not the same in everyone's life. It adapts to whatever domain matters most to us.
Let us understand it like this.
For the ambitious professionals, perfectionism comes in the form of
Sending emails 4 times just because it did not set the tone right.
Staying an extra 3 hours to make a presentation perfect when "Done" would have been just fine.
Taking on projects that they don't have the capacity for, because they can't say no without feeling like a failure.
Considering every mistake as evidence that they don't deserve a seat at the table.
For mothers, perfectionism comes in the form of,
Feeling guilty for wanting a break from kids.
Trusting the belief that being a "good mother" means sacrificing a lot of things.
Questioning their parenting skills.
Terrified of the thought that one mistake will damage their child irreparably.
For creatives, perfectionism comes in the form of,
Never shipping their work because it's just not ready yet.
Comparing their start with somebody else's middle.
Not being able to see the light of day because they couldn't finish it to perfection.
And let me break it to you: in every single domain, perfectionism is selling us a lie. I am not saying one should not strive for achieving better. They should. Infact that's the recipe of success. That is what makes them stand out from others. But perfectionism! It is telling us that if you just try hard enough, if you just get it right, you'll feel secure. You'll finally be enough. You'll finally be able to rest.
But the fact is, for somebody who is a high achiever, rest never comes. The bar just keeps moving.
Why "Lean In" has Failed You
The cultural message is clear: work harder, achieve more, prove your worth. Lean In. Break the glass ceiling. Have it all. Be the girl boss.
And many of us did! We leaned in hard. We achieved. We earned our place at the table.
And we burned out.
Not because we were not capable. But because the system was never designed for success and rest to coexist. The system was designed for us to choose -Success or rest. Achievement or relationships. Ambition or peace.
We all misunderstood the Feminist project. It was never about women doing everything men do. It was about everyone having the right to do equal, the right to do less, to set boundaries, to say no, to let things be "good enough". And right now, in 2026, women are finally starting to reject the false choices. We are not looking to do more. We are looking for permission to do less and be okay with it.
Framework That Can Redefine Success
Through this piece, I am trying to distinguish that thin line that lies between perfectionism and achieving excellence. There is no such thing as perfect, and striving for excellence never ends.
Here is a practical way to start letting go of perfectionism. I am not talking about lowering your standards. I am talking about getting intentional about which standard matters.
Move 1: Identify Your Domains
List major areas of your life where being "perfect" is a part of (Work, home, your relationships, creative projects, your appearance, etc.)
Move 2: The Intentionality Questions
For each identified domain, ask, "What level of excellence is required here for the outcomes I actually care about most?"
Not "what level of excellence is possible" or "what would make me feel secure." But what's actually necessary.
Move 3: The Cost Question
Ask: "What am I sacrificing (time, energy, peace, presence, joy) to maintain this standard?"
Is that trade-off actually worth it?
Move 4: Decide on "Good Enough"
For each domain, define what "good enough" actually means to you. Not what it means to your mother or your boss or your Instagram followers. To you.
For example:
Domain: Work emails | Perfect standard: Perfectly proofread, warm, strategically toned, sent at optimal times | Good enough standard: Clear, professional, sent within 24 hours | Sacrifice: 30 mins per email → 5 mins per email
Domain: Home | Perfect standard: Clean, organized, guest-ready at all times | Good enough standard: Functional, hygienic, reflects my actual life | Sacrifice: 10 hours/week → 3 hours/week
Domain: Parenting | Perfect standard: Homemade meals, enriching activities, perfect emotional attunement at all times | Good enough standard: Meals (homemade or not), time together, showing up even when I'm imperfect | Sacrifice: Constant overwhelm → actual presence
How You Can Handle Guilt
When you start letting go of the idea of perfectionism, guilt will automatically show on the door, not as a sign that you are doing something wrong, but as a sign that you are doing something different.
Your mind, your nervous system, has adopted the fact that perfectionism equals safety. That guilt equals a helpful alarm. And when you stop performing the way you are told to, guilt is the alarm that goes off.
Understand the reframe here: guilt is not the evidence that you should go back to what defines perfectionism; it's evidence that you are changing something. You can feel guilty and still make the right choice. You can feel like you are letting people down and still be respecting and honoring your own identity.
Whenever you feel like guilt shows up, ask yourself these questions:
Am I harming anybody?
Am I violating my values? (You might be honouring them.)
Am I just uncomfortable with being less than "perfect" (There is nothing like being perfect.)
Why This is the Right Time To Hear This
We are at a cultural moment where women are not rejecting the lie that they can do everything perfectly. Burnout is now recognised as a systematic flaw and not a character flaw.
And there is a real power in this moment.
When women give themselves the permission to drop perfectionism, they are not being lazy; they are not lowering their standards. They are being strategic about where their energy goes.
They are honouring their reality, their humanity.
They are teaching other women that they can do the same. And honestly? That's more revolutionary than any amount of perfect execution ever could be.
Start with one domain. Just one. Pick the area of your life where perfectionism costs you the most. And decide what "good enough" means to you. Then step into that permission. Not gradually. Decisively, and notice what becomes possible when you're no longer performing.
